Imprisoned

caged between what I know and what I feel

the hurt from before is an agonizing pain

searing my flesh and marking me broken

tears rain down and wash away the good

leaving me feeling numb and alone

wishing I could be the one to save myself

letting myself down every time

trying to pick up the pieces of who I was

hope making it hard to see clearly

a hope that appears good but is covered in thorns

all I see is the darkness

the light I only glimpsed before snuffed out

burning inside from self hatred and cowardice

I know what needs to be done

and yet I stay imprisoned

inside my cage of darkness and thorns

Underneath the floorboards

There are bodies under the floor
I can smell their foul breath
Hear their cries of terror
They want to know why
I know who did it
The murderer
He hunts his victims and hides their bodies
Under the floor boards
The stink invades my senses
Making me sick to my stomach
I’m lying down in the stink
The man who killed me is up there
Killing others like me
I am the undead victim
Buried forever under the floor of a dead man
He is dead inside like I am dead

Mania

A dreamlike state
Where nothing feels wrong
A place of no consequences
Adrenaline races through your veins
The tips of your fingers start to tingle
And you feel this wave of euphoria
You make impossible plans
And do things you never dreamed of doing
You become a person you wouldn’t recognize
Eventually you wake from this dream place
And you realize of what you have done
The pain you have caused yourself
And the people you love and care about
You have left the dream world behind
And you fear and love a return to this place
A place where chaos reigns

Cruelty

Fearing men and their cruelty
Despising them for taking what is not theirs to take
Making you feel inferior
Making you feel weak
Like you have no choice
Sickened by the pedophiles
The rapists
Men who only want to make you feel powerless
I fear men
But I hate them more
Hate them for making me trust them
And then betraying me
Making me fall in love with them
And then taking everything from me
Stripping you bare
Leaving you battered and bruised
Breaking you down
And stomping on the pieces that once resembled you
Hatred burns through you
Making you hate your own skin
The face that looks back at you in the mirror
You want to wash off the sickness
The unwanted touch
Unwanted invasion into your mind and body
Hate fills you up and spills from your open mouth
Keeping the good men at a distance
While the others smell your fear and come closer to have a taste
You hate yourself for not doing more to stop them
For keeping the pain a secret
It rips you open and tears you apart
Exposing your insides for all to see
But you push the pain and the revulsion down
Keeping it buried within yourself
Keeping you alive for the moment
Living every day minute by minute
Hoping you’ll forget
But knowing you won’t

Courage

Empty words fall on the floor
Leaving no sound behind
Meaningless gestures
Hidden behind a stream of lies
Anger is a constant fire
Burning within you
Making you feel numb with its intensity
Overwhelming emotions
Steal the breath from your lungs
Making you wish you had the courage
To speak your mind

Pain of Remembrance

endless screams
pleading for silence
why can’t I forget?
the heat of his breath sickens me
eyes glaring red daggers
why can’t they see?
I avert my eyes
a smile never touches my lips
tears steadily pouring down my cheeks
self-esteem at rock bottom
unable to tell
who would believe?
no one sees me
no one hears me
no one cares
his dark shadow hovers
emotions suffocating
his weight pressing me down
arms like steal bands constraining me
questioning glances without understanding
help out of reach
death is a comfort I lack
I wish I could tell
I don’t want to be this person
why me?
why anyone?
I wish I could forget

Ash

hatred burning through the air
marking its path with crimson smoke
invisible to the naked eye
fire burning
raining ash
leaving the world dark and cold
love is painful
hate is sweet
as is revenge
we leave the world dark
an eye taken for another
leaving the world in darkness
blood dripping down
forming a river to the end of the earth
all consumed in life’s death grip
stealing your sanity
leaving behind an empty shell
the world’s burning
light succumbing to the darkness
we are burned

Bitterness

you made me bleed
and kept my wounds open
you broke my trust
and left me doubting
the truth was in the mind of others
and yet they chose not to speak
I hate you for making me trust you
and then destroying it
for making me love you
and then breaking my heart
my hate keeps me fighting
and I am still strong
stronger than you will ever be
I am a beautiful woman
And I deserve more than what you are
goodbye my broken love
I found your cleverly hidden string
and severed the tie
I will never be anyone’s prisoner
I am free
fuck you for almost destroying my trust and hope
fuck you for making me doubt myself
and fuck you for hurting someone
who had already seen too much pain

Broken

crawling out of the darkness
I feel my heart beating
blood pouring from my eyes and mouth
pain engulfing my entire being
making me shake with every painful breath
I can see a light ahead
it’s dim
slowly fading away
I struggle to get to my feet
I have to reach the light
I start to straighten
using all my strength to start to walk
I gain more momentum
hope is pulling me forward
someone is calling my name
I pick up my pace
I finally reach the light
it’s a door
lit from the other side
I grasp the handle and the door swings open
embracing me in a warmth that eases my pain
a mirror is up ahead
I can see my reflection
but I can’t believe my eyes
it’s me
but my wounds are healed and I feel no more pain
I walk towards the mirror and suddenly I’m back in my room
hoping it was all just a bad dream I turn and see my bed
I’m exhausted
I lie down and fall right to sleep
I wake to my mother calling my name
I open my eyes
“mother”, I call
no answer
I look around at my familiar surroundings
am I still dreaming?
I get up and go to my bedroom door
I pull it open and all is black
I feel a warm liquid running down my face
I touch my fingertips to my cheek and it comes away smeared with blood
I look out into the darkness
“is anybody out there?” I yell
no one answers my call
all is dark
but this time I know I’m not dreaming
this is my world
trapped within my broken mind

Shattered

you crush me with your words
manipulating the world around me
closed tightly in your hurtful grasp
red smoke leaks from your open lips
turning my world crimson
shattering me with a look
my eyes bleed the life from me
my fists pounds the walls that surround me
the walls that imprison me
your tongue is as sharp as a dagger
piercing my flesh and making my wounds cry
I lie here broken and alone
you look upon my face and see yourself
my blood soaked hands held up for mercy
yet you see nothing but your reflection in me
hating me for seeing
the crimson smoke surrounds me
leaving me helpless and crying blood red tears

Lost

wandering through my broken home
needing to find a place that’s mine
alone looking through the wall that separates us
tears falling
anger rising
the pain of loneliness suffocating
needing to be heard
my heart is bleeding
empty and torn
lying on the floor
barely noticed
misunderstood
a ghost of myself
a stranger
fearful and hurting